Tuesday, April 19, 2011

100 Words in 100 Days

I am a member of Coffee Time Romance site. Granted I am a very inactive member, but every now and then I get notifications of seminars and so forth.
This week I got a notification of a seminar called Nuts & Bolts of Writing Better presented by Robyn DeHart. It is presented in the form of several posts. Today I read Day 2. The title is Tough Love and Setting Goals.
The article is self-explained by the title. Determine what you're wasting your time on. Determine how much do you really want to be a published writer. Set goals. Break big goals into small bite-sized goals.
Not any new information.
Important information but not new.
One of the "this is my type of goals" Ms. DeHart mentioned was writing 100 words in 100 days.
Now that is a goal I can keep. Sometimes the idea of finishing a book is daunting. After all it can take a year to finish a 400 page book. Committing a year to a project is something that can kick your knees out from under you. I mean, I can't even commit to staying in an exercise program for a year.
But writing a simple 100 words for the short period of 100 days is do-able.
So today is Day 1 and my first 100 words.
Well, not my first 100 words on a novel but my first 100 words in this 100 day goal, challenge, pursuit. Whatever it is called.

Update on Ken - More strokes, more loss, and loss of part of his foot due to gangrene. Yucky things happening to a wonderful man.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A New Member of the Family

We have a new member of the family. Her name is Skittles.
This is Ken and Skittles.
He is not unhappy - remember I said he could no longer smile.
She has been on his lap since getting here. They both seem very happy.
Skittles is a 3 year old Chihuahua.
She is Ken's Emotional Support Animal.
I will keep you updated.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Japan - Then and Now

A friend of mine sent me this link


It is an interesting site. You can use your mouse to move a black line between photos.
The photos are of areas of Japan before the quake and tsunami and after. The devastation is incredible.
When the tsunami hit Indonesia, it was horrible but because it was not a developed country it seemed less horrible. I'm not saying that the destruction in Indonesia was any less horrific, but I don't think (based on the news coverage) it hit "us" Westerners as much.
Japan is so "civilized" with actual houses and factories etc - things we can relate to - it makes it seem even worse. I noticed most of the crop lands were gone. They subsist on rice and with rice fields gone - it will take years to rebuild them and grow rice - this disaster is going to affect people in Japan for many years to come. It's not a matter of simply rebuilding houses and factories - their whole economy is gone. It's as though a huge tornado wiped out all of our corn, and wheat fields. Also, the fishing is going to be gone for a long time - the tsunami wreaked havoc on the ocean bed as well - the Japanese have fish as their primary protein mainstay. How would we work out if all of our cattle, chickens, pigs etc were gone in a day? This trial for the Japanese has only just begun.

Now, I realize I am making these statements without concrete evidence. I don't know that it will take years to rebuild the rice fields. But I do know that rice takes longer to grow than some other grain. I don't know that the fishing is gone, but common sense says that any storm that destructive would cause problems. And with the water coming up into the land, how many tons of fish were washed up on shore? How long for the fish population to come back? No, I haven't researched this, but this is a blog and my opinion.
It is scary.
Oh, not end of days scary, although that does run through the mind some times. If it is end of days then I simply have to make sure I am ready. That is not the point, though. The point is that when we look at a disaster that has us gasping for air, the news keeps us up to date for days, weeks on end. Then  another  "show-stopping" story shows up and we no longer hear about the last disaster.
However, Japan has been changed forever.
Perhaps, after all the hulla balloo is over, we should remember to keep them, along with the people who suffered disasters that we no longer hear about, in our prayers, good thoughts, minds.
Tragedy may make the headlines for one day - but continues to plague the life for many.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Book Drum

I have discovered a really neat website.
It is Book Drum  
They say of themselves:
Book Drum is the perfect companion to the books we love, bringing them to life with immersive pictures, videos, maps and music.
Book Drum is the perfect companion to the books we love, bringing them to life with immersive pictures, videos, maps and music.

Whether it’s video of the Rockettes in The Catcher in the Rye, the Italian opera tracks that accompany Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, the historical context and maps of The Odyssey, stunning South American photography for In Patagonia, or video of Kabul kite fighting for The Kite Runner, we take readers beyond the page to enjoy interactive content alongside their favourite books.

It is an intriging site that takes a book and expands it with the use of pictures, reviews, a glossary, videos, maps, voice samples, music and everything else you can imagine by way of the Internet.
Imagine for a moment -
You are reading Vampire Academy.
You want to know where Portland is, or what a honda looks like or what a duster actually is.
Voila`!  You pull up Book Drum and then pull up Vampire Diaries. On the first book mark you find pictures of each item. You can find clips of Russian speakers so you can actually hear a Russian accent.

Book Drum is having a tournament.
According to their website:

Welcome to the 2011 Book Drum Tournament, in which book lovers from Australia to Zambia can delve deep into a favourite book and, by building an illustrated profile, share their enthusiasm for it with the rest of the world.

The 2010 Book Drum Tournament saw seven Contributors share £2,000 of prizes, and led to eight talented writers being commissioned to write and edit new profiles on the strength of their entries. Hundreds of people took part, creating many of the excellent Profiles now freely available for everyone to enjoy.

To enter the 2011 Tournament, choose a published book and create a Profile of it, consisting of a Summary, a Review, a Glossary, an illustrated Setting page, a biography of the Author, and a comprehensive set of illustrated Bookmarks. Book Drum's interactive system makes it easy to do, and the chance to research a book in detail is richly rewarding.

The awards this year,2011, are
 First Prize: £1,000 Second Prize: £500 Third Prize: £250 5 Runner-Up Prizes: £100

About the Tournament:

A list of Recommended Books is provided, but you can choose a different book if you prefer. It should be published by a mainstream publisher, and must be widely available. Please check your choice with us in case there’s some reason why it might not be suitable: editor@bookdrum.com.

Only one person may profile any given book. Where a profile already exists, or is under construction, the book may not be chosen. Check your choice here: Profiles under construction or already published. Please note that to ensure popular titles are not reserved and left untouched, we may reclaim titles if no significant progress has been made within three weeks.
Profiles of your own books are not eligible in the Tournament. Authors may however create and publish profiles of their own titles as normal while the Tournament is running.
The Tournament is open to anyone over 18 other than the winners of the 2010 Tournament first and second prizes. The five runners-up in the 2010 Tournament are free to enter. People under 18 can ask a parent, teacher or other trusted adult to register for them (Book Drum is not able to store minors' contact details at this stage).
Groups may enter under a single registration. Book clubs or literature classes may like to divide up the sections of a profile between their members. Teachers can set up a profile of a study text for their students. Prize money will be paid to a bank account designated by the registered email address holder; Book Drum will not be responsible for ensuring fair division of any prize won by a group.
The prizes will be awarded by three distinguished and independent authors. Results will be announced on 31 May 2011.

I am entering a profile of Gulliver's Travels.    
The profile in under construction at present. Since it is under construction, it doesn't seem that you can find it. At least I couldn't find it when I was looking as though a visitor. But hopefully, when I win, you will be able to find it and enjoy how I expanded a delightful satirical book.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Antigravity, The Feline Butterology Theory and The Argument Against

(I belong to a mailing list called Humor List. This was priceless.)
Falling Cat Sequence
Antigravity, The Feline Butterology Theory

Captured from the Usenet Oracle, 19930625
This question was posed to the Usenet Oracle:

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor
butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and
towering place, it will land on its feet.
But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a
cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its
feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

And in response, thus spoke the Oracle:

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able
to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the
butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline
aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the
combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this
paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you
have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when
released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and
butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be
modified By scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing
some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle
to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming
heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread
off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land
on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right
after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship
and pissed-off aliens crash on top of them.

Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response

Special to the Coastal Beacon

A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive)
propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system.

Let us begin with a simple analysis.

1) Buttered bread must fall butter side down.
2) A cat always lands on its feet.

While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the
construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct
would immediately find the secret of BFAD.

This is clearly nonsense.

Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe
would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and
drinks are readily available.)

To test BFAD, one must procure:

Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work)
A cat
A strapping device.

Let us assume that all of these are readily available.

Attach the strapping device to the cat.


No cat.

What has happened? We have run up against a priori universal law. By a
priori, we mean that it takes priority over either the Buttered Bread
Principle or the Law of Feline Landings.
What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the
same four dimensional space, the cat disappears.

Now, this can easily be tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two
schools of thought about this phenomenon.
The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of
different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is
constituted primarily of superquarks (called meows by current theorists).
These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted
as they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because
these quarks exhibit characteristic of "charmed" or "lucky" particles).

Again, according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of
non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other
to cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently
explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping
device, that disappears.

The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining
ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact,
super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four dimensional
universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures
stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention.
Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a
different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour.

According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant
balance cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that
antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a
cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to
cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue
That if there was anything really interesting in those other dimensions,
cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


During the last year or so I have been fiddling with three different books all stemming from the same occurrence. The occurrence is the Rising of Atlantis. How would it effect the world if this continent suddenly rose? Would the Atlanteans be considered human or non-human? Would humans, trying to recover from the devastation of earthquakes, tsunamis, and utter destruction, be able to accept a new species or several new species? When did Atlantis sink? Could that coordinate with the Flood of Noah? And if so, could that explain why we no longer have the creatures of myth?

Like I said, I have been working on three different angles. So I decided to focus on one angle. My blogging is going to help flesh out my characters.
I have a series of personality questions - from real personality tests and from ideas that other writers use - to interview my characters.
You won't be able to find the characters in any book - yet. But if you follow this blog, when the book is published, you will be one step ahead of those that haven't.

Also, in the aftermath of Ken's latest strokes, when something good, or fun, or interesting occurs, I'll write about it. We also have a ongoing joke between the two of us - if there was a mistake that could be made in caregiving I've made it.
As I remember them, I'll write about my mistakes like:
I have to use a Hoyer Lift to move my husband from his front room bed to his night time bed - different mattresses, different pressures plus we sleep in the same bed. It's less likely for me to start seeing him as a patient instead of my husband plus the different pressures from different mattresses keeps his skin integrity better. I also use the Hoyer lift to move him to his wheelchair and I have tried to use it to move him into a car.
We used to live in Desert Center. Now, Desert Center is in the middle of the Mojave Desert, all sand and very few paved roads. So, when I had to get him into the car by myself I had to load him into the Hoyer lift, wheel him out of the house, onto the 40 year old board porch, down the wooden ramp, onto a 10X10 cement slab and over to the car. However, as anyone who ever used a Hoyer lift on any surface other than a slick hospital floor knows, The Hoyer Lift is top heavy and unruly. And when ever Murphy is around (his law says if anything can go wrong it will go wrong) the Hoyer Lift misbehaves. In my case, the wheels went off the cement and into the sand which decided at that moment to become quicksand and eat the Hoyer Lift. But only one side.

Okay - Lesson number one for Caregivers - if you are about to drop the person you are helping and you are using a Hoyer Lift, let the person down gently to the ground, re-position the hammock around the person and let the Hoyer Lift do the work of picking up the invalid. DO NOT TRY TO RESCUE THE TIPPING HOYER LIFT WHILE TRYING TO KEEP THE PERSON FROM FALLING.  More injury occurs when you try to do that than if you simply let the person float down by releasing the Hoyer Lift pressure. The piston will slowly lower the invalid.
Of course, if you are a caregiver and use a Hoyer Lift get all the training you can to avoid these type of incidents. And if at all possible don't live where you are forced to push a Hoyer Lift through sand.
Kenneth wasn't terribly hurt in that incident. He got a bruise on his shoulder and not even a large one. he was laughing at me. I was banged, bruised, frustrated, and frantic. We never did get into the car.

By the way, Hoyer Lift is a fantastic piece of equipment. Without it I would be next to helpless in moving my husband from one point to another. It was in no way an equipment problem, it was an operator problem. But then I guess you always learn from your mistakes.  ;-}

Monday, January 24, 2011

From Great Days to Very Bad Days

From Good Days to Very Bad Days

It’s been a week since my last blog which was about a Great Day.

After that great day, the days sort of tanked. Kenneth was ill. Unfortunately, when you are caring for an invalid, being ill is not the sniffles. It escalates and escalates.

So, Ken no longer smiles. He has lost that ability. He needs more help than before.

We will weather it.

Tomorrow I will think of something more fun and interesting to write about.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Great Day, A New Word and a Weird Discovery

Yesterday was a great day. Ken and I discovered the basketball court. We went for a walk, him in his electric wheelchair and me beside. We had heard there was a basketball court in the apartment complex. So we loaded up and headed out.  45 minutes later we found it. It is a biiiiiiig apartment complex. Some kids were playing basketball so we watched for a few minutes then headed home.
We walked the direct route through the parking areas to find the basketball court.
Ken wanted to walk back through the apartment itself. We did. We got lost and had to have some kids lead us back. There are miles of wandering, twisting and turning paths. However, About an hour later we got home. I roasted some boneless ribs with potatoes for supper.
It was a good day.
Yes, that is a good day for us. Our life is slow and probably considered boring, but that was a good day.
That evening I looked for something to blog about.
I discovered a new word.
Remember the hoopla about the dead birds and fish around the world? Well it has a name to designate it.
There has been deaths of fish, birds, insects, animals all over the world. And as I touched on in an earlier blog, it has happened again and again. It's just that we are more connected than ever before with cell phones, twitter, ad nauseum to the point that nothing happens without everybody and their duck knows about it.

Kenneth and I like watching Fox news. This morning a comment made that made me crinkle my brow and ponder. The head of Apple CEO Steve Jobs is taking a medical break. The news commentator asked the question "Why the secret?" referring to the fact that Mr. Jobs has not disclosed the why of his medical leave.
My question is WHY SHOULD HE? Have we completely forgotten the idea of privacy?
But again, we are connected to everyone around the world with our gadgets and whiz-bangs so that everyone knows everything. Which leads us back to Aflockalypse.

When we lived in Desert Center, population 150, there was a homily. If  you wanted to start a rumor simply whisper it in the store, McGoo's, and it will meet you in the cafe 5 miles away when you get there 5 minutes later. It was even worse than that. We have lived at Desert Center off and on for the last 30 years. The ranch my aunt lives on is 160 acres and has been in the family since 1920 when my grandmother purchased it. So it is kind of a refuge for the family. We moved there from Fort Worth some 15 years ago. We drove there with our dog and our two teenage sons. Our car broke down several times so we were delayed in arriving. When we finally arrived, a man I never met came up to the car in the gas station and said:
"You're Charlene Carney's niece aren't you? You're late. You were supposed to be here a week ago."
We had not called, written or what-not yet the whole town knew we were coming and that we were late.

With all the twitter, cell phone, computer, email, website, communication out there, the whole world is becoming like Desert Center. Everyone knows everyone's business. It may be a good thing in some ways, but in others it causes aflockalypses. Maybe we should call it -- Nyah, I don't have a coined word for it.

The weird discovery is a prehistoric bird that clubbed its rivals and its prey. I discovered the information while trying to find out about the aflockalypse.

According to Discovery.com
A flightless Jamaican ibis bird evolved wings that functioned like a club or flail.

Researchers believe the birds swung their club-like "weapons" during fights with predators or over territory.

Some birds also use their wings as weapons, but no other known vertebrate fought like this extinct Jamaican bird did.

You can find the full article here.

Oh, and I got about 1,000 words written on my WIP Lion of Dyad.
It was a great day.

Friday, January 14, 2011

New Horoscopes, Dead Birds and Magnetic Rotations, Oh MY!

Blog 01/14/2011

New Horoscopes, Dead Birds and Magnetic Rotations, Oh MY!

Last night I was watching the news. They had a story, and it is all over the news channels today, that the horoscopes have changed. I used to be a Virgo – rational, practical, intelligent, perfectionist, industrious, efficient, critical, with a calm intensity. Now I am a Leo – dominant, powerful, loving, lives in the moment, quick to give affection, self-confident, a leader, idealistic, philosophical, a born entertainer with a huge ego.

At LifeScript.com there are quizzes that tell you how true you are to your zodiac sign. I took the test for Virgo then the test for Leo. I matched 10 out 10 qualities of Virgo. I matched 3 out of 10 qualities of Leo. And according to Tarot.com but many other sites, Western astrology is based on the seasons not on the stars.

Speaking of the stars and the zodiac, there is a “new” zodiac sign – Ophiuchus, the Serpent Bearer.
Funny thing, I moved up one sign from Virgo to Leo. Ken, whose birthday is October 28 and is a Scorpio, moved 2 signs from Scorpio to Virgo. He’s not a Virgo. At times, Ken and I have discussed me getting a tattoo. I’m basically a coward so I never got one. The one I wanted was a dragon and a scorpion. I am a dragon in the Chinese Horoscope and Ken is a Scorpio. Now the tattoo would be a dragon and a virgin. Can you imagine it – Someone sees my tattoo and comments on it. Yeah, I answer, it represents me and my husband. Oh, they say, the dragon is your husband? No, my husband is the virgin.

I’m sorry. I think that would be hilarious. I may get that tattoo just for that giggle.

Another giggle comes from The Christian Science Monitor. They have discovered dozens of new constellations that make up new horoscope signs.

On another note, in writing I ask “What if” and try to make links between weird thing 1 and weird thing 2. You know, like the heroine uses a can of cranberry sauce and realizes that the scent is the same as the scent in the murder scene. Now she knows which alien is involved – the cranberry smelling 4 legged zibdik. (no that is not a real scene, but you get the idea)

So weird thing 1, in this instance, is dead birds and fish all over the world.

Weird thing 2 is an airport having to close down so they can correct the navigation designators because north is no longer north and south is no longer south.

Now weird thing 3 is a whole new horoscope.

Come to find out, the poles are shifting. They’ve done this time and time again. We’re just more aware of it now due to internet, cable tv, twitter, cell phones and everything else that supplies us with information.

Does this blog have a point? NO

Is this blog moving, meaningful, important, or otherwise noteworthy? NO

It’s just a blog.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

New Horoscope???

I just heard a promo for the nightly news. I may have a new horoscope sign. Somehow the signs are changing? That means I may no longer be a Virgo - a Virgin.

More about this tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What is a Blue Wombat?

My blog was getting depressing so I decided to write about something lighter.

Last night Ken and I were watching a marathon on SyFy Channel. It was a
Green Hornet marathon staring Van Williams and Bruce Lee as Kato. I used to love that series. It’s still good but it is slower and less NOW than current series are. Of course. The thing that caught my eye was the commercial for

I plan on watching the new movie but probably won’t get to until it comes out on dvd or Netflix or until it comes out on TV not because I want to wait but because getting  to the theater is difficult. However, the one scene of the commercial that made me giggle was where Green Hornet played by Seth Rogen is talking to Kato played by Jay Chou.

Green Hornet says “I’m the Green Hornet and you will be the Blue Wombat.”

So I got to wondering what is a Blue Wombat?

So I looked it up on the Internet.

1. There is a Blue Wombat Facebook Page at www.facebook.com/people/Blue-Wombat/1261377415

2. I found a Maternity T-Shirt at www.cafepress.com/wombania.339141301

They also have a ton of Wombat stuff if you're interested.

3. There’s a publishing company in Ohio. You can find information about it at  national.citysearch.com/.../blue_wombat_publishing_llc.html

I also found out what a Wombat is. According to Wikipedia:
Wombats are Australian marsupials; they are short-legged, muscular quadrupeds, approximately 1 metre (39 in) in length with a very short tail. They are found in forested, mountainous, and heathland areas of south-eastern Australia and Tasmania. The name wombat comes from the Eora Aboriginal community who were the original inhabitants of the Sydney area.

So now, when you go see The Green Hornet you will be in on the joke.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Self Defeating Behavior and New Year's Resolutions

I was reading blog by Suzanne Johnson about writing goals for the New Year. Her blog can be found at Write in the Shadows. I am horrible at making or keeping New Year’s Resolutions. Right about January 15th all my resolutions are in the trash. Yep, I don’t even make it to February. However, what caught my eye about Suzanne’s blog was the phrase Self Defeating Behaviors.
According to psychwiki.com “ self-defeating behavior is the idea that sometimes people knowingly do things that will cause them to fail or bring trouble. It is just it is defined as "any deliberate or intentional behavior that has clear, definitely or probably negative effects, self, or on the self’s projects.”

Wikipedia has a page discussing a “Self-defeating personality disorder”. These pages discuss self-destructive behaviors ranging from procrastination to smoking to alcoholism to over-eating and as far as suicide.

For my conversation, and I believe Suzanne’s as well, self-defeating behaviors are the little things we do to sabotage our lives. She mentioned obsessively checking her email instead of writing. That’s the kind of thing I want to address.

For a full year I did little more than care for Ken and play an online video game, Wizards101. It’s a great family oriented fun game. However, spending 8 hours a day playing it is not good. Why did I do that when I could have been writing, interacting with others or any number of things? It was my way of coping. Ken had just had congestive heart failure on top of his condition caused by stroke. Everyone from doctors to nurses to family were convinced he was about to be dead – at any moment. I shut down. I took care of him but my muse left and my creative juices dried up.

Just recently I grabbed my girdle and pulled up my stockings and looked at what was happening. Ken was still alive but I was doing like the witch in Wizard of Oz. I was melting. Not from being splashed by water but by curling up into a little emotional ball.

There was an adult cartoon many moons ago, I don’t remember the name of it, that had a scene of a creature who began eating its own tail. It continued eating until it finished and “poof” the critter was gone because it ate itself all up.

That is what self-destructive behaviors do. Whether it is as serious as suicide, or doing drugs and alcohol, or whether it is as silly as playing a video game for too long. And whether it is a true personality disorder or simply a way to survive, it is what we do when we practice them – we begin eating our own tail and just keep eating until “poof” we disappear. No, we don’t do like the cartoon character and literally disappear but we do vanish from living life.
One of the sites I found about Self-Destructive Behaviors gave an excellent remedy. The article “How to Overcome Self-Defeating Behavior” by Merriment on eHow . The first instruction was what caught my eye:

“First thing we need to do to overcome self defeat is to take responsibility for our own lives and our outcomes. Let go of blaming other people, circumstances, fate, or even luck for your problems and your choices; to do so is self-defeating because it releases you from taking responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors. No matter what goes on in our lives, or what others do around us or even advise us to do, whatever actions and choices we make are ultimately our own.”

Mark Goulston, MD stated in the article Secrets of Defeating Self-Defeating Behavior for Bottom Line Secrets

“What's the best way to stop defeating ourselves? Learn to reflect instead of react. The next time you're faced with the consequences of negative behavior, take out an index card and write down your answer to this question -- "If I could do this over again, what would I have done differently?" Carry the card with you, and look at it the next time you are tempted to do the same dumb thing.”

Self-Defeating, Self-Destructive behaviors are complex and can’t be overcome with a sentence. I do believe that we have to be self-aware and take responsibility for ourselves. We have to reflect, to think. We need to reach out. When we devour too much of ourselves, we need to remember what Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said “It takes a village.”  The statement she used referred to raising children. We, as adults, as teenagers, all ages, need to stop thinking we are alone. When we find we are in danger of disappearing , we need to reach out to someone to help us see what we are doing and to help us take responsibility for our actions. Me – I actually reached out to Ken. It was getting hard to walk, hard to turn him. I was losing strength because I wasn’t using my muscles. I was sitting and playing video games. I realized if I continued I would not be able to take care of him.

I still play Wizards101. I love the game. It’s fun. But I take responsibility and I don’t play for long periods at a time. I also exercise. Not because I enjoy exercise but because I know if I don’t I will gnaw on my tail even more. I am back writing again too. I can’t speak to anyone else’s behavior. All I know is that one of my New Year’s resolutions is to examine my life and take responsibility and stop destroying and defeating myself.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Love in All its Forms

Love comes in many forms.

In romances Love is the stirring of the heart, the desire to be with the one loved, even the hot, lusty need for another person.

My thoughts go out to the families of those injured in the shooting the other day. A Senator, a Judge, a little girl and others.

In situations like these Love takes on a very different aspect.

When the loved one is gone, Love is being with the survivor giving hugs when needed, speaking when words are wanted and silently grieving when that is what is called for.

When the loved one survives but is not unharmed, then Love is spending hours upon hours, days that turn into months and years at a hospital, a rehabilitation facility while a loved one learns how to hold a spoon, how to put on socks, how to live again. Love is watching at the one you felt that stirring of the heart over, the one you lusted for become a whole person, but that whole person may not be the same person.

Ken and I did not fall in love. We fell in lust with one another. Love followed. Love is still there even though Ken is not the same man I fell in lust with. He is mentally and physically different yet he is still the same wonderful person. I wouldn’t leave him for the world. When I dream I dream of Ken, the healthy, vivacious, intriguing, sexy man I love. During the day, I care for the wonderful, mischievous, quiet, loving man I married. He has not spoken a word in seven years, yet with his eyes I see he cares for me as much as I care for him.

Would I change things? Yes. If I could. But backwards or forwards time travel is only a thing in the novels I read and write.

However, circumstances are not what determine my love for Ken. My heart determines that.

I understand those that choose differently. Sometimes the burden is too heavy, too painful and too heart wrenching to endure. The Love never leaves even then.

Right now, my heart goes out to not only those families and victims of the latest shooting, but to everyone who loves someone and cares for someone who is no longer there or no longer who they once were. It is a hard, heart-rending activity. If I had to choose between taking part of this kind of adventure and turning away from my husband I would always choose this adventure.

Love, after all, Endures in Many Forms.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Besides Being A Writer

Besides being a writer, which could be called into dispute since I have not published in a very long time, I am a caregiver. My husband of 40 years has been laid low by stroke and congestive heart failure. He is a quadriplegic. I could put him in a nursing home and “get on with my life”, but he would get care that would be substandard to which I can give him. After all, I am a “nurse” who is on call 24 hours a day and at his bedside every day. I don’t have 30 or more patients to care for besides him. I care only for him. I have been doing this 7 years.

There is a down side to this, however.

I look at other blogs and see written accounts about incidents at work, incidents about the strangeness or wonderfulness of life in and among the world.

I am home. I have one chore – besides the usual required to maintain a home – take care of hubby. It is not the thing of blogs. Not many people want to hear about bed-baths, caring for a gangrenous wound, or turning and propping him up with pillows to prevent bed sores every couple of hours. No, most people do not want to hear that. People look to blogs to be entertained, to gain information about whatever, not to be brought down or grossed out (unless it is a gross blog but then it is grossness that over the top and not what is a day to day drudgery in grossness).

So, why do I bring this up? Well, I have tried again and again to write a blog. I have tried to be entertaining. But the problem I have is that the day to day drudgery of caregiving always rears its ugly head and my blog falls to the wayside.

This time I am going to try to blog every day. Be forewarned. This blog is going to include all my warts, wrinkles, and drudgery because I have three things in my life. Caring for hubby, writing adventurous romances, and the rest of the world which occasionally peeks in.

If you check by off and on, you might read something that interests you and at other times you might scratch your head and say Huh? Why did she write that? The reason? It’s the only thing I could think of that day, it was the only thing that happened that day. But it was my day so I blogged about it.

Hope to see you around now and then. Leave a comment so I will know you dropped by.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

New Year 2011 -- Year of the Rabbit

A New Year - Year of the Rabbit 2011

This year 2011 in the Chinese Horoscope is the Year of the Rabbit.
Last year was the Year of the Tiger - all teeth and claws - at least in my neck of the woods.
The Year of the Rabbit, which is on February 3rd, is just the opposite.
According to The Holiday Spot the Year of the Rabbit is:
     A placid year, very much welcomed and needed after the ferocious year of the Tiger. We should go off to some quiet spot to lick our wounds and get some rest after all the battles of the previous year.
Good taste and refinement will shine on everything and people will acknowledge that persuasion is better than force. A congenial time in which diplomacy, international relations and politics will be given a front seat again. We will act with discretion and make reasonable concessions without too much difficulty.
     A time to watch out that we do not become too indulgent. The influence of the Rabbit tends to spoil those who like too much comfort and thus impair their effectiveness and sense of duty....
     ... Money can be made without too much labor. Our life style will be languid and leisurely as we allow ourselves the luxuries we have always craved for. A temperate year with unhurried pace. For once, it may seem possible for us to be carefree and happy without too many annoyances.

This year is going to be concerned with writing, writing and more writing and with the Rabbit on my side books will be flowing with ease.
2011 -- Welcome, Warm and Prosperous